Where are we headed??

It's been such a long time since I've last posted... But I'm back on here because I wanted to continue the thought I had 2 years ago (see entry: Thursday, March 15, 2007), give an update as to how I've come to think of things since I last made that audacious claim that we should dream big and pray big and believe big because big things will happen. 

Part of me / deep deep within me still holds that hope that something will change, that I am setting up myself and putting myself in a position of opportunity for doing great things in the LORD's name.  And then, another part of me looks at me sees the reality -- that I've become just another pawn in a game of chess, a competitor in the corporate rat race. 

Maybe it is, too, the fact that I've realized that I don't necessarily have to be the one to induce change... That if we think of this life as an ever continuous game that God has put us in -- a game where once I finish playing, the game will continue on with someone else playing in my place (source: Ecclesiastes 2:1-23.  see entry below) -- that as a rational player, I am doing my best to set the stage for change, but that really, given that I cannot know when change will happen, cannot force change myself, and can only know that there is a large amount of uncertainty for the future -- that it is simply in my best interest to put myself in a position of opportunity... because if the time comes, then and only then will that be the point to take action. 

I guess I've come to this different conclusion because since I've last posted, I've realized two things: 1. I don't necessarily know what change is "better," and what change is "worse" -- I may think I know, but too many times I've been proven wrong, probably because my worldview is so limited to my culture and my experiences that I often think that what has worked in the past is the best way to change the current / future... and 2. I am simply unable to do what I thought I was able to do... again, because of personal experience, but the thought being that when the whole entire system is f*d up, it's not that easy to change the entire f*ing system.  I've seen that especially true with racism... because at Wheaton, change or macro change, even if headed in the right direction, is just an extremely slow moving gorilla... 

So that's where I am at this point.  Maybe one day I'll change my opinion again ... I certainly hope so, but at least at this point, the thought and the mood here is to just wait, to be patient in the midst of uncertainty, and that if opportunity comes, to be courageous and bold, and using the wisdom that the LORD provides, to act with decisiveness.  Because I am of the mind that I am just a pawn in the LORD's game of chess.

 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

 ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
       and he will make your paths straight. ^[a] 

 Proverbs 3:5-6

And, in the end, it really comes down to this: it is not for my eyes to see everything that the LORD accomplishes...  So I will trust in the LORD. 

Having said that, I now step back in line with the rest of my older peers.  Sorry for my outburst, but I thought it was my turn. 

 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
       I refused my heart no pleasure.
       My heart took delight in all my work,
       and this was the reward for all my labor.

 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
       and what I had toiled to achieve,
       everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
       nothing was gained under the sun."

 13 I saw that wisdom is better than folly,
       just as light is better than darkness.

 14 The wise man has eyes in his head,
       while the fool walks in the darkness;
       but I came to realize
       that the same fate overtakes them both.

 15 Then I thought in my heart,
       "The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
       What then do I gain by being wise?"
       I said in my heart,
       "This too is meaningless."

 16 For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
       in days to come both will be forgotten.
       Like the fool, the wise man too must die!

 24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?"  Ecclesiastes 2:1-24